Tempted By The Mafia Boss

Mia

It took me awhile before I realized Nick wasn’t coming back.This content © Nôv/elDr(a)m/a.Org.

It was that last kiss and the look in his eyes that made me give up the hope.

I just knew it.

All the while I’d been in that dream filled state I heard his voice when he spoke to me. It was weird to describe to anyone. I felt like I was stuck in the dream trying to wake up, being too weak to wake up and push through the barriers that held me there.

In the darkness and mingle of voices I clung to his presence.

His presence, there with me to catch me if I fell.

Then I woke up and he stopped being there.

He stopped and it was like a disconnection.

Dad told me all the things Nick did for us and I’m grateful. His absence though is something that crushes me.

I’m told he calls to check on me but that’s it. He doesn’t come to see me.

No one has to tell me that he’s purposely staying away.

No one has to tell me the reason either.

I already know why and it’s the combo of the mess.

Carter might have killed Tommy but Nick blames himself for what happened to me. That’s why he’s staying away and the last time I saw him was meant to be goodbye.

I just refuse to accept it, or believe it’s over.

I can’t accept we’re over.

It’s the aftermath of the darkness. I don’t know how anybody could begin to heal from the tangle of a mess we were cast in. Dad looks like a shell and I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. Carter is dead.

Carter who shot me, nearly killing me.

His funeral was a week ago. No one talked about it other than to mention the date.

Carter did so much wrong, but he was my brother and no matter what, I didn’t want things to end the way it did.

I got caught in a trap, placed in a situation based on independent variables that suddenly came together and ended in disaster.

I was in hospital for another four weeks because of the lengthy recovery. There was the healing from the surgery and it took a while before I could walk around without feeling like I was going to break in half.

I was released home yesterday and Dad, Beth and Chloe milled around me like my personal team of health care professionals.

I’m certain they’ll have a fit when they realize I’ve left the house.

I’ve been awake since before sunrise and I can’t wait any longer.

In my state of recovery I promised myself that I’d see Nick the first chance I could.

That is now.

It’s seven in the morning on a Saturday and as I stand in front of his large oak door I hope he’s home. I got a taxi here and told the driver to wait just in case Nick isn’t here.

Whether he’s here or not I’m going to find him today.

Today. It has to be today even if I have to ride that taxi all over Chicago, or to the ends of the earth and back.

I’m going to find him today.

I ring the bell and wait for a few minutes, then ring it again when there’s no answer.

I’m about to give up when I notice the side entrance to his garden is open.

Deciding to make my way in through there I go in and see him off in the distance sitting on a bench.

Gazing on at him I remember the last words he spoke to me when I was still taken by the coma. He spoke of the future. A future I would have loved.

It’s the vision and beauty of what he spoke of that kept me going all these weeks. It kept me hoping.

It kept the belief that we could still be.

Where he’s sitting is exactly the place for a pond.

He sees me as I approach and rises to his feet, those eyes of his fixed on me in sheer surprise.

I walk right up to him and stop a breath away.

We stare at each other and I remember with perfect clarity how I felt when I first saw him and the first time he made me feel for him. The first time I realized I loved him.

I’m not sure what I should say first. I know what I want to talk about, but I don’t know what to say first.

Nick reaches out to touch my side.

His fingers lightly run over the area I was shot and pain flashes in his eyes as he focuses there.

The wealth of guilt in his eyes makes me reach out to him. I place my hand over his and savor the feel of his skin beneath my fingertips.

“Mia…” he says my name on the edge of a breath and his eyes climb up to meet mine.

“I missed you,” I tell him.

He shakes his head. “You shouldn’t. Angel Doll, you shouldn’t.”

I’m not ready to delve into all the reasons he thinks I shouldn’t miss him, so I home in on the familiar sensation to forget reality. It’s the effect of him. In all the time I’ve known him, one touch was enough to lure me away into the beautiful but wild relationship I have with this man.

Beautiful and wild is the best way to describe it.

It’s just like him.

He promised to catch me when I fall. The thing about that was I was always holding on to him. He’s in control but I’m in charge.

I decide when I let go, and it’s not yet.

Not yet. Not until he tells me he doesn’t want me, and means it.

I wave my hand over the patch of grass and look back to Nick with a smile.

“Lilies would look good here. So would the pond.” I nod and gaze at him with the hope that sent me here. I hope that talking about this will help and show him I want that future with him too. “I’ve always wanted coy carp. They look pretty in the sunlight.”

He sighs as realization fills his eyes. “You heard me.”

“I did, and I love lilies, anything from you would be my favorite thing though. The rest of that vision sounded beautiful. What happened to it, Nick? Why did you stay away?”

He holds my gaze and shakes his head again. “I can’t have it, Angel Doll. You should have that life with someone else. Not me. I can’t have that vision with you… It was just a dream.”

“It doesn’t have to be a dream. If you want it and I want it , why can’t we have it?”

“It’s too dangerous. Everything is too dangerous. I’m too dangerous. Look what almost happened to you.”

“My brother shot me Nick,” I point out.

“Baby, that’s just one thing that happened. One bad element. He was just one person of many that could have gotten to you. It doesn’t matter who he was to you, or the part he played. None of that shit actually matters. What matters is, none of it would have happened if not for me.” Remorse echoes in his tone.

I understand what he’s saying. I do, but I still can’t accept it.

“It’s not your fault. You make it sound like you dragged me into danger.”

“I did…” he places his hand to his heart and gives me a firm nod. “I did, baby, and now I have to put things in perspective. I was always the devil. He’s not meant to have a happy ending. If I truly love you, I have to let you go. That’s the answer.”

I stare at him and again I can’t let go.

“What about me? Don’t I get a say? What about what I want?

“Mia, there are just somethings that are just best left alone. You don’t touch them. They’re too pure and good. That is you.”

“It’s you too,” I cut in. “It’s you too. Please, don’t ask me to give up the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Shock fills his face.

“Mia…”

“No… don’t tell me all the reasons why I shouldn’t be with you when I’ve already chosen you. You asked me if I was yours, you never stopped to notice that you became mine too.” He holds my gaze and more strength comes to me. I touch his face and smile up at him. “You are mine Nickoli Giordano and I love you. I love you enough to let you go too, but only if that is what you truly want. It’s simple, but don’t you dare lie to me. People have screwed with me my whole life. Lies and secrets, all kinds of shit. If you tell me you don’t want to be with me, it needs to be the truth.”

That is my ultimatum.

The thing I thought of to bring the crux of the situation to the forefront.

A tear drifts down his cheek and he continues to stare at me. “Angel Doll, that’s not fair. I’m trying to do what’s right.”

“Me too. I’m trying to do what’s right too, and maybe I’m being selfish because I want you and I don’t want to be with anybody else.” I wave my hand over the grass again and a tear drifts down my cheek. “I want the pond, the fishes, the lilies, the dog, the babies. Mostly I just want you. Words can never express how terrible I feel for what my brother put you through and I pray that maybe we can move forward. Right now all I want is you. So… what’s your answer Nick? Do you want me?”

He nods slowly. “You’re the only thing in this world that I want.”

“Then take me… I’m here.” My voice comes out like a plea.

He reaches out and touches my face, slipping his fingers through my hair as he brings me to him.

“Angel…” he whispers holding me. “I don’t deserve you. I don’t…You deserve so much better than me.”

“I love you.” The words feel like a relief on my soul. “Nick…there’s no better than what your heart wants. My heart wants you.”

He presses his forehead to mine and holds me closer. “My heart wants you too. It wants you too, it wants to love you.”

“Then stop fighting it Nick. Stop fighting.”

He nods and I smile up at him.

When he lowers to kiss me I finally feel like I have everything I ever wanted. The safety of his heart soothes me and allows happiness in.

True happiness I feel in abundance.

And love.

True love.

Love I never thought I would find.