SILENT DESIRES

She was a coward, but it was the cold, hard truth that fear was what held her back. Not pride. Not anything else. She knew that if he didn’t believe her this time they could never be together.

Not wanting the weight of anxiety to bear down on her today, she shook the bleak thoughts from her mind and crawled out of bed. She padded into the living room to see that Matt had turned the fire on for her.

To her further surprise, she found a breakfast tray waiting for her on the table with bagels, cheese and an assortment of fruit.

She sank into the seat, her eyes stinging with tears. “I shouldn’t love you this much,” she whispered. God, but she couldn’t help herself. She craved him. He was her other half. She didn’t feel whole without him.

Tonight was the dinner with his friends and his mother, but even that couldn’t dim her excitement or her happiness. And maybe that had been his plan all along. To take extra measures to make sure she knew that he supported her against any possible animosity or disdain.

It had certainly worked, because she couldn’t imagine anything they could do or say that would make the cloud she walked on evaporate.

Matt cared about her. He wanted to marry her.

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She hugged that thought to her later as she picked through her clothing, trying to find the perfect outfit to wear to the dinner.

Before, it wouldn’t even occur to her that an outfit was too sexy or revealing. If it looked good on her, and if she knew Matt would like it, that was her only criteria.

But now she worried that with the sentiment already being that she was a…slut…she would merely perpetuate that belief if she wore anything that wasn’t ultraconservative. And that pissed her off.

She shouldn’t care what these people thought of her.

But it wasn’t that easy. They were important to Matt and Matt was important to her.

Warm hands suddenly stole over her body, sliding around to her belly. She was drawn into a hard chest and sensual lips nibbled at her neck.

She sighed and relaxed into Matt, her pulse speeding up.

“Is there a particular reason you’re standing in your closet staring at your clothes?” he murmured against her ear.

She turned and laced her arms around his neck as she rose up on tiptoe to kiss him. “You’re home early.” She said.

“Couldn’t wait to see you. So what’s with the closet?”

Her lips twisted into a frown and she let out a disgruntled sigh. “Just trying to find something to wear tonight. Something that doesn’t make me look like the tramp they think I am.” She replied.

Matt’s expression gentled and he trailed a finger over her cheekbone. Taking her arms, he backed out of her closet and toward the bed until the back of his legs bumped against the mattress.

He sat down and pulled her down with him.

“You’ll look beautiful no matter what you wear. Stop worrying so much.” he said.

“I know. It’s silly. I can’t help it. I’m nervous.”

“I don’t want you to worry, Savvie. The past is in the past. I don’t know if I have ever said the words, but I forgive you. And if I can forgive you then they should be able to do the same.”

She went completely still. Pain jolted through her chest as if someone had stabbed her. Not that she knew what it felt like but it couldn’t be worse than this.

He forgave her.

For something she’d never done. For something he refused to believe she hadn’t done. It took all the strength she possessed not to react, not to lash out. He hadn’t said it to hurt her, but he couldn’t possibly imagine how much she was bleeding inside right now.

He was trying to do the generous thing. He was trying to make her feel at ease. He kissed her gently on the brow. “We both made mistakes. I’m not blameless. The important thing is that we never let what happened in the past happen again.” he said.

Numbly she nodded. She didn’t trust herself to speak. What could she say? She closed her eyes and leaned into him. He hugged her to him and rubbed his hand up and down her back. He offered comfort. He thought she was worked up about tonight.

How could he possibly know that his “forgiveness” made her want to die?

He eased her to the side until she was perched on the edge of the bed and then he stood and walked into the closet. After a moment, he returned with a gorgeous, midnight-blue dress. He held it up and smiled.

“This one would look fantastic on you.” he said.

She struggled to collect her shattered senses and pretend that nothing was wrong.

“It’s awfully…clingy,” she said.

“No it’s not. You will look beautiful in it. You look beautiful in everything,” he said in an ultrasexy voice that sent shivers down her spine. “You’ll look gorgeous. Wear it for me.”

There wasn’t a woman alive who could refuse a request like that. She nodded silently, her heart aching all the while.

He laid the dress carefully on the bed and then bent down to kiss her once more.

She clung to him a little longer than was necessary but he didn’t seem to mind. He touched her cheek as he pulled away and then walked toward the bathroom, loosening his tie as he went.

She stared at the dress. It was a fabulous creation. She closed her eyes. He forgave her. She wanted to weep. It should be her who had to offer forgiveness. Not him.

———————-

Savannah swallowed her mounting dread as she and Matt entered the restaurant. Matt spoke in low tones to the waiter and then they were ushered to a table in the back.

Matt broke into a broad smile when he saw David already seated next to a woman Savannah assumed was his wife, Emily.

Matt’s mother was also seated, as were Dash, Tess and Stefan. Just great. Savannah thought. They were last to arrive, and so they made an “entrance.”

Savannah stood by Matt’s side as he greeted everyone, then said, “Of course, you all remember Savannah. Except for you ladies, Emily and Tess.”

He turned to Savannah. “Savvie, this is Emily Forbes, David’s wife” he turned to the other lady. “This is Tess Black, Dash’s wife.” Then he added, “This is my fiancée, Savannah Carson”