I want You Deeper

The ship tipped at what seemed like impossible angles. Sitting on April’s bunk, Renee and April held each other, eyes closed and near tears. At the worst of it, Renee was sure this was the end.

They were all going to die without her telling Derek what she’d learned.

She had to tell him, she decided as the movement began to gradually subside. She pulled away from April.

“What? What’s happening?” April’s voice rang out in the pitch-dark room around them. There was still rain and thunder, but things had quieted down substantially from what it was a few minutes ago. It made her words sound much louder than they were.

“I need to do something.” Renee felt around for the door handle, only to find she was still in the middle of the room. She crept toward the door, hand out, desperately seeking an exit. “I’ll be right back.”

“You can’t go out there. It’s not safe. Don’t leave me here.”

Door open, Renee spun to look back in the room. “Stay here. It’s safer.”Copyright Nôv/el/Dra/ma.Org.

She closed the door behind her, hoping that would be enough to keep April inside. It wasn’t like she could lock her in there or anything.

The boat did a quick dip to the right just as Renee reached the stairs. She grabbed onto the wall and squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for it to pass. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. But she had to see Derek again. She had to know he was safe. And she had to tell him what she’d been hiding from him.

Fortunately, the stairway had railings on either side. She grabbed one and began her climb. The closer she got to the top deck, the more she convinced herself this was a bad idea, but she couldn’t turn back now. She was almost there.

And then she was in the cockpit, staring right at him.

“Renee?”

Captain Jake was at the wheel, with Derek standing next to him. They both were soaked from head to toe, and Derek looked frazzled, weary. It would be obvious to anyone that he’d just been through something traumatic. She couldn’t add to that.

“I had to tell you the truth!” she blurted out in one big burst, probably scaring both of them. It was hard to tell for sure, they were both already so frazzled.

“David,” Captain Jake said in a very succinct tone. “The sails.”

Renee stepped out of the way. Derek hesitated for a moment, then gestured for Renee to follow as he rushed through the door.

What was she doing? The boat was no longer swooping back and forth, but it was clear the danger hadn’t yet passed. This was clearly not the time.

She was so caught up in her thoughts, she wasn’t even thinking about where they were going until Derek came to an abrupt stop near the stairwell she’d exited just a few minutes earlier.

He turned, gesturing for her to go downstairs. “Please. Go. Be safe. I’ll come and get you when things calm down up here.”

The look on his face left no room for debate, but debate wasn’t in her plans. She should just spit this out now. He could go do his thing with the sails and she could return to the safety of her cabin.

But once the words were out, nothing would be the same.

“I’ll go.” She nodded. She turned and started down the stairs. Her intention was to do exactly what he’d said. This whole journey up here had been a mistake. She should wait until this was over.

But then the ship hit a rough spot again, knocking her forward. She caught herself, barely avoiding toppling down the stairs, grabbing onto the railing and holding on. She squatted and then sat down on one of the steps, waiting for the danger to pass.

Derek was up there, doing whatever sailors did to keep the boat on course. He was alone on deck. He could be tossed out onto the waves and nobody would even know. She couldn’t leave him out there alone.

Never one to shy away from an adventure, Renee turned and headed up the stairs. She couldn’t help him, but at least she could keep an eye on him.

Maybe there was an alcove she could hide in and watch. If he started to look like he was in danger, she could head back to the cockpit and get Captain Jake. He could go save Derek.

When she arrived up top, the rain had calmed to a light drizzle. A flash of lightning lit up the darkening sky off in the distance, but the boat was barely moving back and forth. Derek was near the front of the boat, pulling on a rope. She crept back into the stairwell and waited.

Going out there would be a mistake. He’d just order her back downstairs again. If she waited here- “What are you doing here?”

At the sound of Derek’s voice, Renee spun around, realizing he was standing at the top of the steps, staring down at her. He had a pole in his hand. He was yelling, but she got the impression it was to be heard over the loud clap of thunder that had just shaken the ship, not because he was angry.

“I was worried about you. You’re alone up here.”

“I’m trying to keep you safe.” He looked around. “I’m finished up here. Let’s go back down.”

She nodded, realizing she should have suggested that. She just wasn’t sure what was wrong with her. Being on a ship that had precariously tilted until she was sure it was on its side multiple times had spooked her. The secret she was hiding from Derek weighed on her heavily.

“Okay,” he said when the world was once again silent. “What is it?” They’d arrived in the landing area just inside the door to the stairwell. One step out and they’d be in view of Captain Jake, who was probably still in the cockpit. This would give them at least a little privacy.

He narrowed his eyes as he stared at her. “You said you had to tell me the truth. About what?”

She had to start at the beginning. That was the only choice. She couldn’t tell him what she knew about his life without revealing why she knew it. She took a deep breath and plunged in.

“I’m a reporter, not a chef. Well, I’m a cook, but not professionally. I know you’re Derek Hughes, but your real name is actually David Humphreys-and that everyone back in Silicon Valley is looking for you. And I’ve been working on a story about you.”

There it was. All of it. She could have fed him a little bit of that and not gotten in as much trouble with him, but it would all come out eventually anyway. May as well lay it all out there.

But as soon as she saw the expression on his face, she wanted to take it back. His features hardened, and his eyes seemed to darken. There was no doubt, from the clench of his jaw, that he was angry.

Furious.

She couldn’t stop going now. She had to get it out there.

“But I have to tell you for a reason. I learned something about you-”

“Just stop. Now. I don’t want to hear any more.”

“Derek…” Her voice was barely above a whisper as the full weight of what she’d done hit her. She hadn’t realized just how hard it would be to walk away from him-from what they’d developed here over the past couple of weeks-until now. The weird thing about it was none of this mattered. She didn’t care about her story or getting her career back on track. All she cared about was the information she had on him…information he didn’t seem to want to let her share.

“It’s your father,” she blurted before he could stop her again. “I found him.”

Over the past few hours, she’d thought a lot about how he’d react when she told him. There had been no way to prepare herself for the distance that suddenly seemed to exist between them. The trust was gone. That was the only way she could explain it. Whatever she was about to tell him, he was no longer there to hear.

“How did you find him? You’re on a boat.”

Renee closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This may have been a bad idea, but it was too late to turn back now. Besides, what would she have done if she hadn’t told him now? Stepped off this boat and waited for him to read it on a website?

“Online. Doing research. You don’t have to run from him anymore.

There’s no reason to hide, if that’s why you’re hiding. He can’t hurt you.”

Derek shook his head. “What are you talking about? He didn’t hurt me.”

This wasn’t some type of denial. He was serious. His father hadn’t hurt him. So why was he in hiding?

It hit her then. This wouldn’t be a relief to him, what she’d discovered about his father. She was about to deliver bad, bad news. The worst news a person could receive.

“Why are you researching my family? I don’t understand.”

He no longer looked angry or hurt. He just looked confused. But the worst part of it all was that he was staring at her as though she was a stranger. And, to him, she was.

“I was digging into why you’d gone missing,” she admitted, holding herself back from reaching out to him. “It was part of the story I’m writing. I needed background-”

“You needed background? Is that what all this has been about? You’ve been getting to know me for a story?” His eyes shot daggers at her.

She wanted to be anywhere but this boat right now. She wanted to take it all back. Not just what she’d revealed to him, but the whole thing. The entire trip. She wanted to erase herself from his life and remove this hurt from his eyes.

“No, not for a story. That’s how it started, but I grew to care about you. I didn’t mean to, but that was how it went down.”

It was a risk, opening her heart to him this way, but she was trying to get through that this wasn’t just about the story. In fact, aside from wanting to know more about him and help him, she wasn’t sure she cared about the story at all anymore.

“My father. What is it?” He leaned back against the wall behind him, putting as much distance between them as possible in this small space. His eyes were narrowed as he waited, the pole held at an angle in front of him as if to put an obstacle between them.

Renee took a deep breath and plunged in. “I tracked him down through records on you. Your real name is David Michael Humphreys, right?”

“Right.”

“Your father is Daniel Anthony Humphreys.”

“Right.”

“He passed away two years ago. I had a hard time finding the cause, but I finally found his death certificate. It looks like cancer. I’m sure you could find more information, but…” Her voice trailed off as he straightened and then headed up the stairs without another word to her.

She had a sinking feeling he might never say another word to her again.