Chapter 19: Breaking Down
Aira’s POV
I thought I knew pain.
I thought I had felt the worst type of pain when I watched my own mate choose my own sister over me. I watched all the love in his eyes turn to hatred, while the love I craved was directed to the one girl that hated me most.
My own flesh and blood. My sister. My twin.
I thought that was the worst pain anyone could endure, watching the people you love the most turn their backs on you just after stabbing yours.
Oh, what a fool I was.
That was not pain. That was not even close.
Pain was the moment I woke up in Alexander’s office after the pain of Jace’s betrayal. Pain was that hollowness I felt as I lay there with no one by my side. Pain was having absolutely nothing. Not even my own child.
My hand touches my stomach for what feels like the millionth time today. My heart shatters when the little beating heart I hoped to sense is nowhere to be felt. There is nothing but an empty void.
Tears sting my eyes, but I do not let them fall. I cannot let them fall.
Tears are a sign of weakness. It is precisely because of this weakness that I lost my child. Because of my very own mate, I lost our own child. I swear to never be weak again.
I can’t stay here anymore. I have to get out of here. I do not care if Alexander is furious with me; that is precisely what I want. If I manage to escape this place and get found by Jace’s men, I would not mind dying at their hands.
And if I am unfortunate enough to be found by Alexander for the second time, well, then I will make sure that he kills me himself. All I know is that death would be far better than this. But for now, I cannot afford to be weak.
I have to be strong. In honor of my child.
So, that is precisely what I do. That day, I report to Grace, asking for my duty for the day. She looked at me with wide and surprised eyes. She blinks away her shock and clears her throat. “Ah, yes. Well. Uh, there is not really much here today. I was planning on getting the chimneys cleaned tomorrow, but since you are asking, you could do it now.”
Once she is done speaking, I nod and turn my back on her. Her next words almost shock me, but the organ meant to produce that emotion does not seem to be working at the moment.
“Are you okay? You don’t have to do it if you are not.”NôvelD(ram)a.ôrg owns this content.
I look at her over my shoulder and say bluntly, “I am fine.”
I see a flash of worry in her eyes before I turn my back and leave.
It’s a bit too late to be worried about me.
I get started on the chimney immediately, and I feel a bunch of eyes on me. Did I forget to mention how annoying that is?
Carla’s voice infiltrates my ears, and I step out of the chimney. “You did not have to do any of this; you know I could have helped you, right?”
I look at her right in the eyes and say, “There is nothing wrong with my hands or legs now, is there?”
She appears shocked by my words but blinks them away immediately. “Oh, well, no. I just thought that maybe you would like some help considering your situation.”
Tilting my head to the side, I reply, “My situation? I do not know what you are talking about. I am more than capable of cleaning up a chimney. As a matter of fact, I am done.”
Picking up my broom and other cleaning materials, I make my way to the kitchen, and Carla follows closely behind me. As I step into the kitchen, I feel the eyes of the other maids on me. Of course, I ignore them. It is more than clear that these women don’t have lives of their own; all they do is stare at me.
“Okay, then, I am glad you are doing better. So now that we have the rest of the day to ourselves, I was wondering if we could have a little picnic out in the courtyard. I was thinking of bringing along some of my favorite books so we could read and gush over the rather devilishly tempting male characters,” she suggests, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.
I am about to decline her offer, but then I see the spark and excitement in her eyes. I also see the hope that I will agree to it. That hope is so immense, and despite the absence of my heart, I still could not find it in me to break that hope.
So I say, “I would love to.”
Her smile reaches all the way to her ears, and she jumps up and down in excitement. “Lovely! I will go get the things we need ready; meet me in the courtyard in thirty minutes.” She says so, and I nod before watching her leave.
I begin to wash the dirt off my hands when I hear the other maids laughing. “What is she doing here? I thought she was too busy crying over her dead baby.”
“Oh, please, do you think she cared about that child? I am sure she killed her baby on purpose to get the alpha’s attention.”
My body trembles from rage, and I spin around to face them. Closing the distance between us, I pin all three of them with a venomous glare. “You do know I can help you, right?”
The one in the middle smirks and says, “Of course we know; we are that little voice in your head that nags right at you since your conscience is clearly not working.”
A bitter snort leaves my lips before I say, “Oh, look at you speaking about conscience like you even know what it is. Now look, I have no problem with you all talking about me. I know none of you have anything better to do considering how boring and sad your lives are. But please do so away from me or a little quieter next time.”
The middle one laughs and shakes her head in disbelief. “You know what your problem is? You are just bitter about the fact that you are a terrible mother. That baby is better off dead anyway.”
The cracking of bones, followed by a series of screams, followed right after that.
I have no idea what got over me, but I sure as hell know that I am not in control. Even with my fist making contact with the bitch’s nose and her screams of agonizing pain filling my ears, it is still not enough. I pounce on her and begin to lay a series of blows on her face.
I can hear her friends screaming at me to stop and trying to get me off her, but all their attempts are futile. Until someone a lot stronger than them yanks me off the already unconscious girl.
“Okay, that’s enough,” Alexander says as he cages both of my wrists in his hands. I struggle against him, but all my efforts are useless.
“Let go of me!” I scream.
“I am afraid I cannot do that; I cannot have you kill one of my maids. That is my job.” To my surprise, he throws me over his shoulder like some kind of potato. “You two take your friend to the infirmary; I will take care of this one.”
Alexander carries me to god knows where while I bang on his back, screaming at him to let me go, which he clearly ignores. After much effort, I give up and just dangle until he finally reaches his destination. He puts me back on the floor, and I see that we are on the balcony on the second floor.
“Sit,” he orders, pointing at one of the chairs set out. I do so begrudgingly. He takes a seat on the one facing me, and for several minutes, we do nothing but sit there in silence.
My gaze shifts to the kingdom below, and I watch the people carry on with their daily activities as the soft evening wind blows my hair. This is actually kind of calming.
My attention shifts to Alexander, who has been staring at me from the moment we came up here. I am about to demand what exactly it is he is looking at, but what he says next leaves me speechless.
“I am sorry.”
I rear my head back with surprise. “What?”
He nods in confirmation and repeats himself. “I am sorry. You are going through all of this, and it is all my fault. I should have marked you when you asked me. If I did, then maybe your child would still be alive, and that annoying little girl I call my mate would be sitting right in front of me. and not this cold and hurt woman. So, I am sorry.”
Staring at him, I search for the right words to say, but I come up with none.
Perhaps that has something to do with the fact that he has surprised me for the second time today by hugging me. I stiffen in his arms, but after a while, I melt into him.
I broke the promise I made to myself this morning.
I cry.
I buried my head in his chest and let out all of my pain and hurt. And he took it all in silence.