Beneath the Surface

Jax

November 26, 2011

I walk next door a little before lunch time to pick up Lexie and the boys. They’re coming with me today to the Johnson’s house for Thanksgiving dinner. Lexie walks out wearing Jeans and an Atlanta Braves hoodie with the boys following close behind tossing a football back and forth between them. I smile at them all and kiss Lexie on the cheek before opening the passenger side door on my truck and helping her climb up. I help both of the boys in before climbing behind the wheel.

I lace my fingers through Lexie’s and turn the ignition, “I’m really glad y’all are coming with me. Today should be a lot of fun.”

Justin leans forward between the two front seats, “Will you play football in the yard with us? We usually play football in the yard with our uncles on Thanksgiving.”

“Sure, I’m sure Dillon and Carson will too. We’ll see if Dex wants to.”

“Mom are you going to play too?”

“Of course. Don’t I always?”

Me and Lexie are quiet for the rest of the ride as Justin and Jason chatter back and forth in the backseat. When we pull into the driveway Carson comes out to meet us. He opens Lexie’s door for her and wraps his arms around her, that’s still going to take some getting used to for me. We all walk into the house together and say hello to everyone. Dexter runs over and introduces himself to Jason and Justin and asks if they want to see his room and leads them upstairs.

Dillon smacks me on the shoulder and smiles at Lexie, “Hey Lexie. How’s your head feeling?”

“It’s fine. I haven’t had any headaches or anything just a little stinging around the stitches, but it isn’t too bad.”

Showing up here with her and the kids wasn’t as strange or awkward as I thought it was going to be. I love being around her and the kids now that I’ve allowed myself to get closer to them. I’ve known since I was in high school that I wanted a big family with lots of kids. Not exactly what most guys think about in high school, but I knew what I wanted in life already. I wanted to join the army to defend my country, become a cop, stay close with Dillon and Carson, and buy a house and fill it with kids. I wonder if Lexie wants more kids one day. I’ll have to ask her because I know now that I’m in love with her, and I love the boys as well. There is no going back for me now. I was so scared I wouldn’t be able to be with her like she deserved and give her all of me, but I shouldn’t have worried. It’s all happened naturally. It’s happened super fast, but it all feels natural and right. I like being with her, and I don’t even have to try to make the relationship work. It just does. I want to touch her when she’s around or wrap my arms around her. I like playing in the yard with the boys or just laying around watching movies with them. I like it all. I want it all.

I smile as I realize that after four years I finally got my life back. I finally feel like the old me again, and it took only almost two months of knowing Lexie, and almost a week of actually being with her and the boys for me to finally find myself again. I started changing the first week they moved in and have slowly become more and more like my old self as the weeks went by. I couldn’t be any happier than I am right now.

**********

Lexie

Me, Jason, Justin, Jax, Car, and Dillon are throwing the football back and forth when I notice Dex isn’t playing. He came outside with us but he’s just sitting on the grass watching us. I tell the guys I’ll be back and jog over to him and sit in the grass next to him. He really is one of the cutest little boys I’ve ever seen. He’s a year younger than my boys with short light brown hair, blue eyes, and the biggest dimples I think I’ve ever seen.

“Why aren’t you playing with us?” He just looks at the grass in front of him and shrugs his shoulders. “Come on Dex. Tell me what’s wrong.”

He glance over at me before looking away, “I don’t know how to throw a football right. All the boys at school always laugh at me when I try to play with them.” I narrow my eyes.

“Are they mean to you about anything else?” He nods his head, and still won’t meet my eyes.

“I don’t know how to play any other sports either. They say I throw like a girl. I’m not real good at reading either. They all laugh every time the teacher makes me read in front of the class.” Kids can be so damn mean sometimes!

I bump my shoulder against his, “Do Mr. and Mrs. Johnson have a football? “He nods his head.

“Go get it for me, and I’ll teach you how to throw a football. They won’t say you throw like a girl again.”

He smiles huge making his dimples pop out and I can’t help but smile back. He runs into the house not even bothering to close the door behind him. When he comes back out carrying the football I guide him over to the side of the house so that he won’t be embarrassed if it doesn’t go well the first few times. It takes a little while to get the hang of it sometimes. I see Jax watching me curiously as I walk around the corner but I ignore him.

Dex looks up at me, “How do you know how to throw a football? You’re a girl.” I chuckle at him.

“Girls can throw a ball too. I had two brothers who both played baseball and football. My older brother Shawn taught me how to play both a long time ago.”

His eyes grow wide, “You can play baseball too? Can you teach me?”

I nod my head. “I’ll talk to Mr. and Mrs. Johnson about you coming over to my house sometime to play with Jason and Justin and if it’s OK with them then I’ll show you when you come over.” He does a fist pump and I have to restrain a laugh.This content © Nôv/elDr(a)m/a.Org.

I spend about fifteen minutes showing him how to throw the ball, and how to make it roll of his fingertips. We throw it back and forth between us for a few minutes before he’s confident enough to go throw with everyone else. He runs right up in the middle of everyone else in the backyard. “Throw it to me and watch this. Ms. Lexie taught me how to throw it right.” Carson tosses it to him and Dex throw it back in a perfect spiral and everyone cheers for him. He runs over and hugs me before running inside to tell Brett and Nina.

We continue to play in the yard for a long time. The longer we play the more Dex’s confidence grows right before our eyes. It’s a wonderful thing to watch. Maybe he’ll stop having problems with the other boys at school now.

I look over at Jax and see him already smiling at me. I smile back and realize today is the most fun I’ve had in a long time. I haven’t worried about who might be watching once. I’m just enjoying a day with some of the most important people to me. The only thing that could make today better is if my siblings were here with me.

I refuse to let my stalker worry me today. He’s controlled my life for long enough. I’ve been living with fear and panic as a constant companion for months. I’ve stayed inside and avoided going out because I didn’t know if he was watching, but he was still watching wasn’t he? He was watching me with cameras inside my own home. So if he’s going to watch no matter what I do, I’m at least going to enjoy my life while he watches. I can’t control what he does. I can’t force him to stop watching, but I can control how I react to it. I’m done hiding in my house, and not living my life. I’ll go out when I want to and stay in when I want to, but it’ll be my decision based on what I feel like doing. I’m not letting him control me anymore. He’s had too much power over me for too long. Well, not anymore!

I’m going to enjoy my new life here with my new friends. No. My new family. These people are becoming family. I learned a long time ago that family isn’t always blood. Family is who is always there when you need them the most, and these people have proved more than once if I need them they’re going to be there.