149. Insecurities
“Where’s Dee?” Rocco heard his boyfriend ask the moment he was back from his late-night meetings with his new crew.
“She’s having a sleepover with her Babes women. Bree was giving her a farewell party.” Yes. Rocco was happy that Dee decided to quit dancing at Babes. Rockford had made sure that he was going to provide for them, but Dee had other plans, she was roped in by the mob wives for pole class lessons, and Bree had also introduced her to the idea of an online class for her Pole Dance lessons.Content held by NôvelDrama.Org.
“And why aren’t you there too?”
“Eh… it’s an all-girls thing.” Aside from Dee and his co-workers, Rocco realizes that he has no friends, sure he has work friends but it has been hard for him to open himself up with his past. He kept on thinking what happened to him was his fault, he always felt that somehow he was too social back in college. That was why he became a bartender, the bar was the one thing that kept his social personality in place. The man felt safe with a barrier between him and everyone else.
“I’ll set something up with Elvis and our crew. I’m sure they missed us badly.” Rockford tried to tease and coax a smile from him, but Rocco was all tangled up on the inside.
“Hey, what’s wrong, baby?”
It has been one month since Rocco told him to take the job. Within the last couple of weeks, he had been struggling with the thought of Rockford getting hurt on the job. Rocco didn’t really want to quit his work, but he wanted Dee to stop stripping and he knew that if he was still bartending at Babes then Dee would see it as an excuse to one day go back on stage. The last incident had Rocco worried, and because he wanted to keep her safe, he decided to quit along with Dee.
“I’m just bored I guess. I’ll be going to my parents in the morning. Maybe stay the night and give you and Dee some alone time.” Being a triad required one-on-one time, and Rocco had never been jealous. If else, he was feeling rather less of himself. His depression was setting in and he had been having the urge to call his guy for a refill. Pills had kept his mind at peace because Rocco doesn’t like to smoke and he hates needles.
“Rocco, something is off. I need you to tell me what’s wrong.”
Something was obviously off, Rocco had been staying at Rockford’s fancy apartment, courtesy of his new employment. But the man’s anxiety level was off the charts every time Rockford was out for a job. Their man loved his job and Rocco was going to support him. He just had to make sure that he could handle himself, stop worrying so much, and let their man work with his new crew.
“I’m okay, maybe I just miss my parents.” Rocco circled his arms around his waist and pressed a kiss on his lips. It gets heated in seconds.
“I should go and shower first, I know how you hate smelling…”
Ah… there it was, Rocco’s suspicions were validated when he smelled the gun residue on his jacket and also his bruised knuckles when Rockford cradled his face and pressed another soft kiss on his lips.
“Sure,” Rocco kissed him one last time before he smiled at him and let him go to their master bathroom to take a shower.
His hands were shaky when he opened the kitchen cabinet and pulled out his vitamin bottle. He took the little baggie with the various colorful pills. Some were for when he’s feeling down and some were for when his anxiety level was off the charts. Then there’s also some to decompress from the other pills. He used to get them prescribed by his psychiatrist, be he had stopped seeing his doctor knowing there was too much talking involved, and after years, he was feeling okay-ish.
“Rocco, have you seen…” Rockford walked out of the bedroom in just his pants, the abruptness had startled him. The little plastic baggie containing his pills slipped out of Rocco’s fingers and various pills scattered under his feet.
“Rocco, what’s that?”
“I… they’re my pills. But, I’m okay.” He was definitely not okay. His hands trembled and he reached for the pills, his fingers were showing off his real condition and Rockford was on his knees in seconds. He took the pills and flushed them down the kitchen sink.
“Prescription pills don’t come in a plastic baggie. You’re not okay. And I’m not leaving you until you tell me what’s really going on in your head.” Rockford’s hand was on his neck, his hold was firm yet loving at the same time, making sure that the man had his attention. But Rocco failed to conjure his words when he saw bruises on their boyfriend’s stomach. His fingers trace the darkening color of flesh and Rocco falls apart in his arms. His tears streaked down his cheeks, he could hear Rockford say that he was okay, but he never liked violence. Even more after his abduction.
“I took pills, I was prescribed by my psychiatrist. But since I no longer went. I have a guy who I bought them from. It settles me. I worry about you. I worry about Dee too, but she’s okay now. She quit working at Babes. But you…” Rocco put his hand on the man’s bruised stomach and he kissed his neck, rubbing his hand on the bruise as if he was trying to make it all better.
Rocco knew it was a foolish thing to do. But he needed to feel close to Rockford. He needed to feel that their boyfriend was truly okay. Rocco loved Dee and he loved Rockford. He just found the two people he loved more than himself and surely he didn’t want any of them to suffer or harm in any way. He’d sold his soul to let them live a long happy life.
“Tomorrow morning, we’re going to make an appointment and I’m going to personally take you to your doctor.”
“Don’t be silly, you have to work. I can take care of myself.”
“Rocco, don’t make me spank you. Tell me, how long have you been taking the pills? How many?”
“A couple of weeks, maybe less.” Rocco shrugged, he was not sure. The days became blurry when he took his pills. He mostly sleeps a lot and every time he said he was going to his parents, he went to a motel and slept his frustration away. He couldn’t talk to Dee, not when she was so excited with her new friends and lessons. Rocco was okay with that as long as the two people he loved were happy, he’d be happy for them too. He just needs to adjust his meds.
“Fuck, that’s it. I’m taking you to the clinic.” Rockford left him to grab his shirt and call Becca telling her he was on his way there with Rocco.
“Rockford, don’t… I’m okay, we can go to my doctor in the morning.” Rocco felt his face being held and Rockford was staring at his pupils and he knew that he was busted. He had taken a few anxiety pills a couple of hours earlier to calm his nerves. He just needed a pick-me-up to cheer up his mood when Rockford startled him and found out about his stash.
Rockford was still talking on his phone when he told Rocco to put on his shoes. He could hear Rockford talking about him to someone on the other line. Rocco was too nervous to ask so he stayed quiet. The man helped him get into Rockford’s car and buckled him into the passenger seat.
When they arrived at the clinic, Becca was there with stacks of documentation on her desk. When Rocco sat down in front of her, he noticed his doctor’s handwriting.
“How… how did you, that’s my personal file!” Rocco felt violated and was about to grab them but Becca was quicker.
“I pull in a favor, I happen to know Dr. Sheridan. And she’s kind enough to transfer your file when I tell her that you’re my emergency patient.”
“She can’t do that, she couldn’t.” Rocco sounded panicky because he was. He had years worth of therapy and…
“You’re right, she couldn’t give away her client’s therapy session but I was looking more into your prescriptions. I told her it was an emergency. Rocco, you have PTSD. That won’t heal overnight. It takes years and some even tried to live with it. Rockford called me and told me about your little stash. He cares about you and I know you care about him too. I still remember the look that you sent me making sure that I was doing my best job on your partner.” Becca sighed before she continued, “Rockford, may I have a word alone with Rocco?”
Rockford seemed hesitant, but Rocco gave him a nod and the man walked out to give him his privacy.
“Rocco, we’re going to do this the right way. Okay? The pills are prescribed to you for a reason. There are evaluations, but you cannot decide when you need them. I have no idea what pills Rockford flushed down the sink. But I’m going to draw your blood and we’re going to go from there,”
Rocco heard Becca explaining to him about the emergency procedure and how she was going to check on his condition, all while softly talking to him without judgment. Rocco let her examine him while his mind wondered how he got there. They were happy.