ALWAYS AND FOREVER

Kathy Pov

I woke up the next morning, with a startle, I had fallen asleep while waiting for Cross, I didn’t even know when he came in, I looked over on the bed and he wasn’t there and the bed didn’t look like he has been there, I got up from the bed and rubbed my eyes, I looked around the room and there was no sign of him.

“Maybe he is downstairs,”

I said out loud with a yawn, but then the possibility of that being the case was low because Cross was a late riser, I can count the few times he had woken up before me, and even those few times I always wake up to find him our room, to confirm my thoughts, I went downstairs to look for him, I didn’t find him, I decided to go check the car park for the car he took to the office yesterday, I left home before him but I knew the SUV was his favorite, and like I expected the SUV wasn’t in the parking lot, which means he didn’t come home.

He could have just called to say he wasn’t coming home, I thought as I walked back inside to look for my phone, I tried remembering where I last used it but nothing was clicking, I turned the bedroom upside down looking for it, before giving up and going back downstairs.

“Hi, Good morning, Betty, can I borrow your phone?”

I asked Betty the cleaning lady.

“Good morning Kathy, sure,”

She answered putting her hands in her cleaning uniform and handing her phone to me, I dialed my number it rang, I ran upstairs to be sure it was there but I didn’t hear the ring out.

“Fuck! I forgot to remove it from silent after class yesterday, well I have to remember where I kept it or I will be phone less for the rest of the day,”

I said out loud walking back downstairs still trying my number, I gave up after a while and just decided to call Cross with Betty’s phone, he picked on after I called him three times.

“Cross? Where are you?”

I asked as soon he picked up.

“At work,”

He groaned, he sounded like he just woke up so how is he already at work, I checked the time again and it was a few minutes past six am, there was no way Cross would already be at work, I know my husband, so he is definitely lying.

“Why are you lying Mr., It looks like my call woke you up, so how come you are already at work?”

I asked, he mumbled something I couldn’t quite make out.

“What did you say?”

I questioned.

“I said that I am at work, why the fuck would I be lying?”

He asked grumpily, I wondered why he was so in a bad mood and decided to just ask the question that has been singing in my head.

“Why didn’t you come home last night?”

“I had things to do,”

Came to his response, wow, things that didn’t have a name, and he couldn’t even call to tell me.

“The least you could have done is call me that you won’t be coming home, then I won’t have had to wait up for you,”

“The fuck? I called you over ten times yesterday and you didn’t pick up, so how is it my fault, and also do I need to tell you when I am coming or going?”

Okay, his voice sounded harsh, I admit that it’s my fault for not thinking that he might have called but he didn’t have to be so pissed for asking why he didn’t come home, not like we were quarreling before.

“Dude, I don’t know what crawl up your boxers and got it twisted but can you not take it out on me? I was just being concerned,”

I said.

“Mind your fucking business, you seem to be forgetting your place lately, you are crossing the line,”

He answered, his voice even harsher, I was certain that he had a little too much to drink and was suffering from a hangover, so I didn’t take his words seriously.

“Are you drunk Cross?”

I asked in a lighter tone.

“Why will I be drunk on a weekday?”

He replied with the question his voice even more upsetting, which got me pissed, here I was trying to look out for him and he is making me look like the bad person.

“You sound like it because you are acting strange, all I did was ask why you didn’t come back home, if you don’t want me to care about you all you have to do is say it, you don’t have to be so unreasonable, my bad for trying to look out for you, I promise it won’t happen ever again, I am sorry,”

I said and hung up, I gave Betty who had been eavesdropping on her phone, and matched back upstairs in anger, fuck him for being such a prick, all he had to say was the reason he hadn’t come home yet he decided to make me feel shitty, all the happiness I have been feeling for the past couple of weeks suddenly drained and I was left feeling sad even as I took my bath and got ready for school, I just wanted to lay in bed all day and sleep off the bad dreams but I had to attend class since my semester exams were coming and also I had to go get the materials we needed to design our project, I was meeting Marilyn tomorrow and the materials needed to be ready before tomorrow so that we can work on it together.

I went to the kitchen for breakfast even though I didn’t have any appetite, I still needed to eat, when I got to the kitchen, my phone was sitting there on the dining table where I had left it yesterday after my call with Marilyn, mentally scolding myself for being so forgetful, I picked the phone up and checked, he did call a good number of times so he had a right to be pissed, but that didn’t mean he should tell me to mind my business, I thought we passed that already, I went through my text and saw that he left a text saying he will be home late, but nowhere in the text did it state that he won’t be coming home, so why didn’t he come back home last night? And why did he have to lie about being at work? The thought ran through my mind as I forced myself to eat breakfast and also as I drove to school, even during classes.

My phone rang while I was eating at the school cafe, I felt hungry during my first class and decided to grab a bite before my next, I picked it up expecting it to be Cross but it was my mother-in-law.

“Hi, mom,”

I greeted, injecting as much fake happiness as I could muster, I didn’t want her to hear my sadness through my voice.

“Hello my dear, how are you doing?”

“I am fine ma, and you?”

“Fine too, where is your husband?”

He is at work and I am at school,”

I replied.Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

“Oh, how are studies?”

“Fine ma,”

“Oh, okay, I hope he is nice to you? If not I can send my boys to be him up,”

“Yes he is, there is no need for that,”

I replied even though I wanted to request for her to send them, I knew she was joking.

“Alright, I just wanted to check on you guys, tell your husband I said hi, and take care of yourselves,”

“We will,”

I said and she hung up.

My mother-in-law always made sure to check up on us and she was fastly becoming my favorite person, she was kind, not your regular kind of rich woman, she was down to earth and made everyone around her comfortable, my mom can’t relate, my mom hasn’t even called me once since I got married, I don’t see us fixing our broke relationship anytime soon, the only time we have spoken was when I called my dad to wish him a happy birthday and she had been there.

The whole of the day went by in a blur, I couldn’t say I was present most of it because I was lost in my thoughts, Cross didn’t call back and when I called him, he didn’t take my calls, I wanted to apologize for not taking his calls but when he kept ignoring mine, I just turned off my phone and dropped it in my bag, I expected what happened in school yesterday to be the main topic around campus but surprisingly, no one talked about it, it was as if it never happened and I dreamt it but my legs still hurt which is why I am wearing a pair of sandals today, so there was no way I would have dreamt it, even though I was shocked no one asked me about what happened, I was happy too because I didn’t know how I would have been able to deal with the stares and attention.

Now at the mall where I was getting what was needed for the project, I started on not really seeing what I wanted, I have up after a few tries and just decided that I would check for them online and make a choice, I headed back home, not really feeling like myself, I turned on my phone when I got back home expecting him to call but he didn’t, instead it was my sister Nelly who called, to tell me my oldest sister had given birth to a baby girl, I was happy for her of course I was, but then that reminded me of the fact that I might be carrying my own child but, in my case, my husband didn’t love me and might not even want our baby, I told Nelly I will come home to Arizona after my semester exams and I planned on calling Nora once she gets discharged.

Yesterday I was so sure of myself that this is the life I wanted, that this is where I was meant to be but in just a couple of hours I wasn’t so sure anymore, maybe I overdid it, maybe I overthought about it, maybe I deluded myself into thinking me and Cross would be happy together, well reality check came really quick, I am reminded once again of the kind of a marriage this was and my place here, I should keep that in mind and do away with my feeling, but then it was easier said than done.

Disturbed by the possibility of being pregnant, I decided to go get pregnancy test kits just to be sure, I made my way out of the house, got into my car and drove down to the clinic near our house to get them, I got three different brands and headed back home, I wanted to wait till morning to check but I was much too anxious so I went upstairs to our restroom and peed on the stick, I closed my eyes as I waited for it to read, I opened my eyes slowly to check, I was both scared and excited but then disappointment set in when the test kit only showed one line, I did it a few times again with the other brands and they all have the same negative result, I washed my hands disposed of the kits properly so that Cross won’t see them and went to lay down on the bed, I stared up at the ceilings as tears welled up in my eyes, just how fast does the night change, this time yesterday, I had been happy and satisfied but now here I am feeling lost and lonely, the tears escaped from my eyes as I could no longer keep then in, I let them fall free, and fell asleep with tears still in my eyes…