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NO, I DON’T WANT TO
He was looking at the ceiling trying to calm down, he had to stop the surge of reactions in his body, he had to stop his thoughts. He had to stand up and leave, but at the same time he didn’t want to; he wanted to enjoy this, even if it was just once. Just a little while longer, it was likely he would never get a chance like this again. She surely wouldn’t remember anything and at least he would have something to keep from this whole charade.
It was so nice, as if it had always been like this. Her sleeping peacefully on his chest and him taking care of her. His own body was betraying him and suddenly a deep sadness came over him. There was no point in longing for her, even when she was in his arms as she was now. It was all a lie, the marriage, her words while drunk, even having her sleeping on him. She would never see it that way, he was just indulging his own desires.
A woman like her, with a bright future, with a wonderful voice, with all that energy and desire to live would never look at a widower 15 years older with 3 children. Everything she did and endured was for Harry and Laura. Suddenly he felt like an old man, if he had to go on with his life it would be best to do it with someone more like himself.
He carefully removed her hands from her grip, placed her on the bed and after covering her with a blanket he got out. Downstairs he found her shoes on the floor and put them to one side. He felt defeated, as if he had lost the battle of his life. He had to resign himself to let her go, he had no chance. His way of being didn’t help, but he couldn’t control the need he felt to grab her just for himself.
-You’re being ridiculous,” he said to himself.
In the morning he went down to breakfast, but she was still sleeping. She didn’t wake up until after noon and her head was about to explode. She barely remembered how she got to the house, she had no idea if anyone had seen or heard her. She hoped not, surely she was in a calamitous state. She herself didn’t understand what had driven her to go out and drink like that. She did her best to make herself presentable and finally go downstairs to get something to eat.
But she didn’t see Daniel all afternoon. Apparently he wasn’t in the house, which gave her some respite at least until she could fully recover. Her head was splitting and a rancid taste still lingered in her mouth. Thinking she was alone, she sat down in an armchair in the living room, covered herself with a comforter and closed her eyes. She heard the rustling of china and when she opened her eyes Daniel was bringing her a cup.
– It’s ginger tea, it’ll help your hangover – Oh, God, he saw her drunk!
– Thank you –
He had a coffee and sat in the armchair opposite her, not next to her as he always did. What did linger was the silence. It was certain that he was upset and was applying the law of ice to her. But no, his face looked different, he seemed saddened.
– Do you know Deanna? I think it’s time for us to go about arranging a divorce.
– Divorce? –
– Yes, there’s no point in going through with this. Laura already announced the pregnancy, what’s the point of waiting a year? The child will be born into a family. We have kept our part of the bargain –
Alarm bells started ringing in her head that she didn’t even know she had. Divorce? Did he want to get divorced so soon? Surely his patience had run out with her rebellious adolescent attitude of the night before. No, she didn’t want to divorce him. She would have to leave the house and leave the little gentleman, she wouldn’t be able to talk to Naomi about books or Ethan about his studies, and she wouldn’t be able to see him anymore. What had she done?
– So soon? I don’t want to… – Of course you want to Deanna, you can go back to college!
– Deanna, listen… –
– No, I don’t want to! –
What? What was wrong with her? She could finally be free of this whole lie.
– You don’t have to force yourself to do anything anymore. I’m sorry…
– No, I told you I don’t want to! –
They were both surprised, she because she didn’t know where those words came from and he because she was refusing to leave him.
– What do you mean, you don’t want to? –
– I don’t… –
Deanna pulled the comforter off her and stood up. She was only wearing a long sweater and shorts underneath; she didn’t know what was driving her. She stood in front of him and looked into his eyes, she looked like she wanted to cry and was holding back the urge. Daniel was confused. What was happening to her? He stood up too and for a few seconds they only spoke to each other with their eyes. Somewhat fearfully he tried to move his hand to touch her and suddenly there was shouting coming from the door.
– Daniel! Daniel! – It was Camila shouting.
The grandparents had returned with the children early. Camila was still elated and they both came out alarmed to see what was going on. Jonathan was in Charles’ arms and did not look well.
– What’s wrong?!
– Daniel, it’s Jonathan! –
Deanna didn’t hesitate and ran to the little boy. She touched his forehead and realized he was burning up.
– He’s burning up with fever! – She took him from Charles’ arms, but he was almost unresponsive.
– He was fine until a few hours ago, that’s why we decided to bring him in,” Charles told him.
– We need to get his temperature down. You need to call a doctor, Daniel. Naomi, would you prepare a tub of warm water for me? –
– Yes! – And she ran upstairs.
– Ethan, get me some clean clothes for Jonathan, will you? –
– Yes Deanna! –
– Daniel call the doctor! –
She put Jonathan in the tub and stayed with him singing to him, as she ran the water over his body. It looked like the temperature had subsided a bit, so she dried him off, changed him and carried him to his bed. When the doctor arrived she was still at his side putting cold compresses on his forehead.
A simple cold, nothing to worry about. They just needed to bring his temperature down a little more so he wouldn’t be too uncomfortable and with enough rest he would be fine. Camilla and Charles were still waiting when the doctor said goodbye.
– He’ll be fine, Mom. It’s nothing more than a simple cold, Deanna is taking care of him –
– Your wife behaved like a real mother, son – Charles was showing his support to Deanna, so Camilla couldn’t object to anything.
They both left a little worried and Daniel went back to Jonathan’s room, Deanna was still with him. Now that things had calmed down, it came to his mind the reaction she had when he told her they had to get a divorce. She refused, “I don’t want to,” she told him. Why, why did she almost start crying in front of him? A small beam of warm light began to peek inside Daniel. So warm that, he was sure, it could melt his armor.
Dean didn’t want to detach himself from the boy and he didn’t insist. Tomorrow they would have time to talk again. When he passed his son’s room again in the evening he found them sleeping in each other’s arms. The image of the little hand on her face made him feel a kind of pride, as if his chest was swelling.
This woman he knew so little about had slipped into their lives through Harry and Laura’s hands. She came like a storm, uprooting things, setting dormant parts of his soul in motion again. She had managed to forge a connection with his children, especially Jonathan, to the point where the children would listen and obey her or laugh and play. She was strong enough to stand up to him and withstand his onslaught of stubbornness with incredible fortitude, and she fought it in equal measure.Content held by NôvelDrama.Org.
His home now felt warmer, her voice carried through every room as she sang distractedly. He hadn’t stopped thinking for a day since that time he saw her in Harry’s apartment at the beginning of this whole drama. He couldn’t forget the freckles on her back, and he was taciturn when the sun hit her hair all tousled. How deep had she sunk in? Definitely, in Daniel, it had touched parts of his heart that had been frozen and were now vibrating again when he saw her smile.