111

My parents did not only raise me well, I chose my every part to be a well behaved girl and to make them proud but is unfortunate that my remaining wish is not fort coming.

I was disciplined, I love one man at a time. And when I give you my heart I give it all out and make the man the center of my life and that is why it hurt so badly whenever I’m left at the receiving end.

It hurt like I’m going to drop dead when I think of how much of a failure I am to myself.

I have all the qualification to boast in but that Is not what the society want to look at. That is not what my parents’ are looking at. More is required which is mainly settling down with a man.

My friends are all leaving me behind to acquire this one thing that seem to be more recognized in the eyes of the society. People see you like you have not made it in life and has no right to speak out boldly just because they feel without a man in your life you are not a complete woman. If you are not married you are lacking behind.

It feels like a hoaxed, something far more important than your own happiness.

I even feel worst myself. my love life have been a real mess, and no matter how I promise myself that I won’t fall in love after each heart break I will find myself falling in gradually to the same thing that almost broke me into pieces.

I see myself as a failure too and wish I can undo my birth. Maybe it will be better if I was never conceived at all than to come into the world and live among people who will only make you feel worst about yourself and tag you what you are not.

Life has made me do some stupid and weird things. Spending my whole paycheck and even added my saving to it just to buy an expensive engagement ring to engage myself.

Who does such thing, is sound stupid and unreasonable. Anybody that hears of it will think I am really mad yet that is what I have to do so that my people can leave me alone.

And now they are asking for the man that engaged me and I can’t provide any. I don’t know where to get a man who will play along with me and I will pay him. This whole idea is so pathetic.

Sometimes the only thing I want to do is to die so that everyone will leave me alone. So that I can have some peace. So that every hurt, pain and disappointment will be forgotten.

No one understands me, not even one person. The person I called my friend, who I thought I can share my worries and burden without being judged, I never knew she was a wolf in sheep clothing. Knowing that I loved Richard and still went for him, gave him pet name, sing his praise to my ears without shame or remorse. We hanged out, gist and eat together and all the while she was calling me a fool and feeling like a victor.

I started falling for a man, Mr Ohio and spoke to her about him and now she want the same man too.

Jojo is going for every man I wanted and trying to squash every ray of light that tries to come my way.

Why…why will somebody I call my dear friend do such and has no regret for it.

I want to understand reasons why bad things happened to me but I still can’t figure it all out.

If I say life is fair, I will be lying…life is very unfair and I don’t have the boldness to say that God is partial. Who are mine to even question however God chose to deal with me. He is all-knowing after all. So I have no right whatsoever to question him. If his plan is for me to become a laughing stuff or a mere mockery in the eyes of other people…so be it. But I wish he can see the content of my heart, I wish God can see I have no evil intention for anyone and will never hurt people intentionally. I wish God can change all my sadness and make me smile again. Maybe He should make a man love me for real this time, A real man who knows what he wants not the usual that I have being getting. Not some bunch of confused men who cannot differentiate a real woman from fake.

I was sitting alone during break time, after coming out from the ladies toilet where I went to cry over my life.

I have not eaten any reasonable food that day, I only took hot choco in the morning before leaving the house. The heavy sorrow in my heart that week made me loose appetite for food. Nothing seem to matter anymore to me.

Instead of going for lunch during break time, I seclude myself to a quiet place just to think over my troubled life.

I was sitting at that corner all by myself thinking, I wipe every tear drop that tries to roll down so that it won’t spoil my small makeup and make my colleague to think I was really crying or had a water splash to my face.

Suddenly I heard a familiar voice that startled me.

“Hey…Becca. Are you okay? I checked you at the cafeteria but you are not there, and is lunch time. I noticed you have being skipping lunch this week and going off all by yourself. Are you alright…look at me. Have you being crying? What happened to you Becca…talk to me please?

Mr Ohio was the last person I expected to see there. Ever since he saw my engagement ring, which is almost two weeks now. Ever since then, he kept his distance and I have tried to avoid running into him. I have being avoiding him and did not want him to see me again.

I have taken off the miserable ring from my hand, it was beginning to remind me of how stupid I am.

I only wear it when I know Jojo the betrayer, Anita or any of my friends or relatives was coming around. But after they are gone I will remove it.

I was not expecting to see him close to me again, I quickly wiped my eyes with the tissue paper in my hand.

I try to talk but I don’t even know what to say to him. He moved more closer to me, I can perceive his fine cologne which usually identifies him whenever he walk pass.

He try to touch me but withdraw his hand. I guess he was having a double mind doing that.

“Talk to me, what is the problem? What happened Becca…why are you here all alone, crying? Did something bad happen? I may help you if you will open up to me. Just trust me. I don’t care if you are engaged or already married. All I want to do is to help you as a friend but I need you to trust me please…

Ohio spoke with a caring tone, as I look into his eyes I saw he was serious and was willing to help. But how will he help me. I have a big problem and is even bigger than him.

As I look at him and try to explain my trouble, the word got stock at my throat. I was even ashamed of myself to even tell him anything. I needed someone to talk to and I don’t know who to trust any more.

As I try to speak I burst into real tears. I started crying like a baby as if somebody beat me. I bent my head from the embarrassment I was causing the young man.

I couldn’t even stop the tears this time as it wash off the make up on my face, I did not give it a second thought. All I wanted to do was to cry out my sorrow and feel better when I’m done.

I used do that and I avoid crying in public but today was different, I couldn’t even stop myself. I wish Ohio was not there, I was feeling ashamed that he was watching me as I cry.

I try to get a tissue to wipe my face but the one I had was soiled.

Ohio bent over and took my hand, he lifted me up and draw me into a hug.

I struggled to get away but he held me tight to his chest and did not say a word until I was emotionally stable.

His cloth was stained with my tears mixed with the dirt from my face. Ohio did not care about his well ironed starched shirt getting messed up. All he cared was for me to be fine.

He led me to his car. His driver was sitting inside the car, he told the man to excuse him for some time and the man stepped down obediently.

He sat at the driver side after opening the door and guiding me in.

I sat beside him. As I checked the time, the one hour break was already over, I need to return back to my office seat and continue my work.All content © N/.ôvel/Dr/ama.Org.

He stopped me from going and told me not to worry about working for the rest of that day. He said I was safe with him and no one will question that.

“Relax Becca, can you tell me what made you cry… talk to me. I may be able to help. Don’t be shy…I’m only a friend, trying to help another friend…. if you will let me.

“I need a man to present to my parents as my fiance. A man who will play a perfect convincing role and pretend to be truly my fiance. I’m ready to pay or do whatever you want me to do as a form of payment. I just want my people to leave me the hell alone. I want to have a peace of mind, I’m tired of everything that life has thrown at me and want out. I will do whatever you want me to do or even pay any amount. But please don’t charge me too high, I’m not much of a classic fat earner. I’m just a 29years old lady struggling to live in a world filled with unknown enemies. I don’t even know who to trust anymore. Very soon another date will click and I will be 30years old. That is how time will be moving and before you know it, I’m close to the grave with neither a husband nor children. Life has dealt with me in a different way and I just want everyone to let me be. If I can convince my parents about the man in my life, they will let me be for the main time. I wish to…to…

I quickly recovered from running my mouth without thinking. I actually said everything without a real thought to it and when I saw the shock on his face I couldn’t proceed. I have said enough already.

Ohio may want to know why I’m looking for a man when I’m already engaged to one. He will really think I’m dumb and crazy to have engaged myself if I confess the truth to him.

I have being lying so much this days and I did not want that to become part of me.

I quickly apologized to him for running my wide mouth and asking him for the impossible.

“I’m so sorry sir. I…I wasn’t thinking. Please forget everything I said to you. Maybe I should really get back to work. I don’t want to bother you please.