Chapter 1: The Lunatic One (part 1)
Chapter 1: The Lunatic One (part 1)
"Seraphina, allow me to explain please..." Desmond pleaded as we were sauntering our way to our chamber after he came back from attending the bachelor's party of Count Jacob Urba. "It's not what you think-"
I silenced him by slapping my mate who was also my husband. "You dare to explain when I already caught you?" I asked sweetly.
Desmond's face had gone color seeing how cold I was right now even though I was smiling brightly. I could feel the emotions he felt right now and so was he because we both marked each other. He was feeling lost and frightened by the way I was acting. I knew he could feel how hurt I was right
now.
I smirked. "That's right. Shut the hell up."
When I arrived at our chamber, my heart jumped out of my ribcage as I felt Desmond's pair of arms wrapped around me from behind. Then I felt his face buried in my hair.
That made my heart ache. Tears suddenly cascaded down my cheeks, feeling in pain. My wolf and I were both howling in pain.
"Seraphim... I have hurt you... Please... Please forgive me..."
I smiled bitterly. Seraphim... That was my mate's endearment to me because he thought that Seraphina came from Seraphim, a type of celestial being.
While my endearment to him was... Cinnamon. It was because he was the spice of my life. For me, he looked so alluring when I addressed him. He always squirmed and melted every time I would call him that endearment even though he was known as the ruthless ruler here in the north of the Sowinski Kingdom.
But right now, just remembering those endearments we had for each other, made me feel in pain.
Desmond must have felt what I was feeling because his hug tightened which squeezed my heart.
"Seraphim... Seraphina... Please forgive me... Don't leave me... I cannot afford not to be with you." His voice croaked.
I could feel he was in pain as well. But nothing could be overwhelmed by the fact that catching him sleeping with a... courtesan. It was the result of drinking with them. If I only knew that he would have slept with a courtesan, I shouldn't have allowed him to come to Count Urba's bachelor's party.
"Did you sleep with her because until now, I cannot bear a pup?" I asked in agony.
Now, that I realized it. We were married for five years yet I haven't gotten pregnant with our pup. It was a trivial matter for Desmond and he always assured me that we should enjoy ourselves being husband and wife. I agreed to it and felt blessed that he had the same thinking as mine.
However, now that I remember. This must be the result which was why he slept with a slut.
Desmond gasped in horror. "No! No!" He spun me around. His eyes were already red. "It's not... They put in an aphrodisiac incense... I thought that was you... Seraphina, believe me. All I thought about was you..." He knelt before me and hugged my waist. "I beg you... Please don't leave me if you are considering that. I cannot afford to lose you, Seraphina. Please..." he cried.
I stared down at him, not moving an inch. Just looking at my mate right now made my stomach churn. There was pure hatred starting to blossom in my heart. Even my wolf was feeling downcasted when we found out about what happened. It broke our hearts...
Could I even trust him again?
Could I?
Could I forgive him?
I snapped back when Desmond was already sobbing while begging at me. His eyes were broken.
"One more chance, seraphim... Please, one more chance, Seraphina. I will prove to you that—"
"Desmond." I cupped his face. "I will
not leave." Then I reached for his hair and stroked it. "Didn't I tell you before that can forgive? That is one of my vows, remember?" He nodded. "I will forgive you only once. However, if this happens again, I will not forgive you anymore. I will divorce our marriage and will break our mate bond. Do you understand me, cinnamon?" I said in my sweet tone, threatening him.
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Desmond gulped and nodded. But his sullen look brightened up as he took my hands and brought them to his lips, worshipping like a goddess.
"Yes, thank you, seraphim!" He stood up and hugged me so tight as he sniffed.
I tried my best to forget what I had seen at that time. I really did my
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best. But there were times that I didn't want him to come near me because every time I would see his calloused big hands, I could remember the part of how he caressed his hands to another
woman who wasn't even me.
Desmond noticed that. He noticed that I was starting to distance myself from him these past few weeks. I couldn't even allow him to kiss me on my lips because I would only remember that he kissed and ran his tongue to that courtesan's body. I did everything not to allow him any physical touch from Desmond.
Even deciding to make love with him... I just couldn't find myself being aroused by his touch. It was why we ended up sleeping without facing each other. Or more likely, I was the one who was not in the mood to make love with him.
"I can't... I'm sorry..." I said and immediately faced my back to him as I covered my naked body under the sheets.
I heard his sigh. Desmond knew that I was still bothered about the event that happened these past few weeks. He couldn't just say that I must forget it already because there was no way I couldn't.
"C-Can I at least hold you?" There was a pain in his baritone voice. His voice croaked. Gone was the enthusiasm he had whenever we talked before bedtime.
I shivered in disgust at his question. "You should go to sleep. I am already tired," I said coldly.
"Seraphina..."
"I am tired!" I said angrily and turned my head at him. "Can you not see that, Desmond?!"
Desmon's jaw dropped at my sudden outburst. Then his jaw clenched before he averted his gaze from me. "I-I understand. Forgive me if I make you uncomfortable..."
I exhaled sharply and faced my back to him. But somehow I felt guilty about the way I just acted. I just couldn't help bursting out because my wolf and I couldn't move on from what happened.
I couldn't tell my deranged thoughts to Desmond because I felt like... he wouldn't be able to understand my feelings.